As divorce rates continue to rise, it’s becoming increasingly common for families to be split up as a result of divorce. Moms and dads who believed they’d make it forever now find themselves navigating the murky waters of how to raise their kids post-divorce. While custody agreements typically provide a jumping-off point for how parents will physically raise their kids, they don’t always cover everything. Here are some tips you can use to go above and beyond to raise your kids after divorce.
Have Some Grace
Similar to the major emotional changes that you’re going through, your kids will be dealing with their own emotions. It’s important to make sure that you have some grace during this time. They may have more behavior problems, they might be harder to “deal with,” and they might not even act like themselves during day-to-day activities. While you don’t want to throw good behavior routines out the window, it’s also important to remember that giving in sometimes can provide your kids with the break that they need. Having some grace during this time period can help make things easier for them and you.
Keep Things as Normal as Possible
In a perfect world, the child would get to spend the majority of their time in the marital home, but that doesn’t always work out. Whether the child is living with the other parent or the marital home is being sold, there are many reasons why children don’t get to stay in a home they’ve always known. While it can be another adjustment that they have to go through, making their new home feel the same and keeping their routine the same can help provide normalcy which is essential to raise kids after divorce.
Make Appearances Together
The last place that you probably want to be is with your ex, but making appearances together can help your child understand that even if you don’t love each other anymore, you still love your child. Show up to important events, try to do thins together while you raise your kids after divorce, and make sure that you are at least amicable when in front of the children. This will not only provide some much-needed security for kids after divorce but will also make it easier for them.
Be Honest With Your Kids
There’s a difference in involving your children with your divorce drama and being honest with them about what’s going on. Kids of different ages should receive different versions and amounts of honesty, but make sure that you stay honest with your kids. Set their expectations from the beginning and always be clear about what’s going on with the divorce. Make sure that they know it is going to happen and, in some sense, why. It might be easy to think you’re protecting them by not telling them why it’s happening, but keeping that information from them can make them think it’s their fault.
Don’t Make it a Competition
It’s easy to get caught up in the “better parent” game. But, doing that can actually harm your child in the end. While they’re going to love playing the game while it’s happening, it can set their expectations up and cause detriment to them in the long-term. On another note, don’t put down the other parent (no matter how much you want to) in front of your kids.
Understand Their Feelings
While your ex-spouse might be the last person that you want to see or be around, understand that it’s not like that for most kids. Your kids love both of you and even older kids might still hold onto some hope that you will get back together. You know better than that, but it’s important to understand that they not only have these feelings but also understand why they feel like you will get back together. Understand their feelings, but don’t create more confusion. Help make it clear to them that you are divorced and you won’t be getting back together.
As you’re navigating how to raise your kids after divorce, it can be easy to make mistakes and get caught up in the issues that plague families going through a divorce. Don’t let money be another worry that you have to deal with while you’re working toward making a better, more stable life for your children. Contact Wise Divorce Solutions for financial advice and planning during each step of your divorce.