The biggest difference in a shared parenting plan and a traditional “custody” agreement is that parents work together to give their children the best allocated time with each of them. One parent does not get to “own” the child while the other has to hustle for scraps of time. 

The Basics

Since a shared parenting plan is similar to a custody agreement, it can be hard to get away from the “your weekend, my week” mentality, but that isn’t always the case with a shared parenting plan. Both parties need to be in agreement of the plan and they must work together to make the plan work. Your shared parenting plan, unlike many custody agreements, is made to benefit your child. Everything that you do and everything that goes into the plan will be in your child’s best interests. This means everything from establishing the plan, choosing who is responsible for what, and how changes will be made in the future. From start to finish, the shared parenting plan is for your child.

“From start to finish, the shared parenting plan is for your child.”

Misconceptions

When some people hear the shared parenting term, they automatically think of a plan that guarantees 50-50 to each parent. While this is one of the arrangements that parents can choose, it is not always the case. It’s a common misconception that shared parenting equals the same amount of time. Each case is different and both parents will be expected to work together to determine how much time the child should spend with each parent. In some cases, when both parents can’t come to an agreement, the court will recommend the time allocation as well as specific schedules. If both parents agree, they can typically modify it or change it to better suit their needs. 

Another area that people commonly assume will not factor into a shared parenting plan is child support. In many cases, shared parenting does not equal a lack of child support. Instead, the order for child support will coincide with a variety of different factors including the state requirements, the income of each parent, and the child’s standard of living in each of the households. You should not assume that because you secured a shared parenting plan that there will not be a child support order!  

Cooperation 

Shared parenting plans rely on cooperation. Cooperation with each other, cooperation with the court, and cooperation for the best interests of your children are the most important part of any parenting plan. It’s necessary to cooperate and make sure that you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing so that your parenting plan is successful. Remember that a shared parenting plan is for the child and not for the parents meaning your child is the one who will benefit the most from your cooperation! 

Sacrifices 

In any relationship, including one that you have with your children, you’re going to have to make sacrifices. This is also the case with a shared parenting plan. While it can be incredibly difficult to compromise on something with your ex-partner, especially when emotions are running high, it’s also important to make sure that you do so for the wellbeing of your children. Not every shared parenting plan is going to be perfect and that can lead to some issues that come up with scheduling and needs of each of the parents. 

Other situations that you’ll need to consider and often have to make compromises for are out of the ordinary situations. Perhaps your ex is feeling unwell and asks you to take a weekend so they can rest and get well? In that situation, you’d probably be happy to get more time with your child while making a compromise outside of the shared parenting plan. But, what happens when your ex has an important event they want your child to attend during a time that you would normally have them? It can be harder to compromise in that instance. 

It’s important to remember who you are compromising for and why you’re doing it. These compromises usually benefit the children the most and working with your ex instead of against your ex will allow you to show your children that you are willing to make sacrifices for them.

Do You Need a Shared Parenting Plan? 

Probably. Unless you are in a state or area that explicitly bans parenting plans in favor of custody agreements, these plans are usually better for children and for split family dynamics than strict custody agreements. They often give more leeway for parents to work together for the best interests of the children and allow you the chance to choose what’s best for your child instead of the court making that decision for you. 

A key point of any parenting plan is being able to work together. Try to keep heated emotions out of creating the parenting plan and always remember that your ex-spouse may seem like the enemy, but they are actually the other half of your team in raising your child! Reach out today if you’re needing more assistance to create your shared parenting plan.